I wish I hadn't deleted my old blog. I know what was in there for the most part. But I regret that I did it because of a boy. It upset him and later on I found how little it meant in the first place to him. It was a big deal to me. I mean sure there wasn't anything to be proud of, a lot of misspelled words and teenage ramblings that would make anyone cringe, but it was my teenage ramblings and my misspelled words that I can't ever get back. I like that there's no drama on this blog and I like that I can spell and not put a "z" on the end of everything but I'm just not as comfortable with it as I was with my old one as weird as that sounds. I would have liked to look back on my old entries and cringe like everyone else because even though I remember, 15 seems so far away.

I'm a different person now. I made so many horrible decisions and even after things got better, I was so bitter and angry for awhile because I couldn't wrap my mind around how no one stopped me. It's easy to see now though, we were all caught up in our own drama and anger and glorious teenage angst.  If I had just told one person I was scared or told the right person, I think things could have been different and there's no one to blame for that but myself. It would be a lie if I said I really like the person I've turned into. My photography went down the drain a long time ago and I still feel like I'm a mess, just a more mature mess. I'm not really angry anymore and I'm not that sad. I love the weird looks I get walking back from class when I end up smiling for no apparent reason. I miss all the friends I had and I miss the complicated simplicity. I'm terrified of getting older and paying bills and having no mercy from anyone because of my age/naive innocence but it's all very exciting isn't it? Everything is changing all the time and I love it. I don't really know where I'm going or where I'll end up in life or what kind of person I will become. It's fantastic and it's what I need.